How to Handle a Student that's a Handful

Out in the parking lot I told his mom he needed to take two weeks off from youth group.  I told her that we would welcome him back on the third week after he took some time away.  He needed time away from us and we needed time away from him.  His offense:  he called my wife, his youth director, a f* b*.  It wasn't only that, leading up to that he was really disrespectful to all of his youth leaders.  We never saw or heard from him again.  The problem went away, but this was not a win for us in youth ministry whatsoever.  Of course, I'm not going to name the student, but he just represents, in one of the most extreme forms, the problem child.

What is the best way to deal with a problem child in youth ministry?  You know, the kid that just wants to distract from what you really want to accomplish.  The kid that makes everything all about him or her.  We have had our share of them at our church and here are four ways we have handled them:

1.  Set up the expectations ahead of time.

We have drawn up an expectations contract.  The students and parents have to sign it and return it.  If it isn't signed and on file the student doesn't get to participate in extra-curricular activities.  If they don't return they are still obligated to obey our rules.  Basically, what the contract boils down to is the student is responsible for being respectful.  Respectful to themselves, others, others' property, and of course the adults that are there to care for them.  If they're not respectful then something needs to be done about it.

2.  Remove the problem.

In this day and age, cell phones can be a huge distraction.  We allow our students to keep them in our youth group, but if they are out at times when they shouldn't be then they know that they can be taken away and given back at the end of the night.  In some cases, removing a cell phone can be like amputating an arm.  So, approach this delicately, but removing the distraction takes care of the problem nine times out of ten.  There are other problems or distractions, this is only one of many examples.

3.  Rid the student.

Sometimes, when all other efforts have been exhausted, unfortunately, the student needs some time away.  Not forever though.  The goal here is restoration.  If this happens, make sure to communicate that you love the student, not the behavior.

4.  Reward the good.

Most people like getting attention.  That's why some have learned to get your attention in negative ways.  Try rewarding good behavior and recognizing when someone does something right.  Maybe, just maybe the problem students will see that they can get attention for doing good things.  This is my personal favorite, because I would rather reward than punish.

These are just four ways that we have dealt with problems in our youth ministry.  What has worked for you?